Germans crack down on gay penguins

About a year ago, the New York Times reported that two of the penguins at New York's Central Park Zoo -- Silo (no, not Siegfried) and Roy -- were, essentially, gay:

For nearly six years now, they have been inseparable. They exhibit what in penguin parlance is called "ecstatic behavior": That is, they entwine their necks, they vocalize to each other, they have sex. Silo and Roy are, to anthropomorphize a bit, gay penguins.

When offered female companionship, they have adamantly refused it. And the females aren't interested in them, either.

New Yorkers, in true Seinfeldian spirit, didn't think there was anything wrong with that. The zookeeper even helped them adopt:

At one time, the two seemed so desperate to incubate an egg together that they put a rock in their nest and sat on it, keeping it warm in the folds of their abdomens, said their chief keeper, Rob Gramzay. Finally, he gave them a fertile egg that needed care to hatch. Things went perfectly, and a chick, Tango, was born.

For the next 2 1/2 months they raised Tango, keeping her warm and feeding her food from their beaks until she could go out into the world on her own. Gramzay is full of praise. "They did a great job," he said.

However, not all gay penguins are so lucky. Three more pairs have turned up at the Bremerhaven Zoo in Bremen, Germany, and officials are taking action:

A German zoo has imported four female penguins from Sweden in an effort to tempt its gay penguins to go straight.

The four Swedish females were dispatched to the Bremerhaven Zoo in Bremen after it was found that three of the zoo’s five penguin pairs were homosexual. Keepers at the zoo ordered DNA tests to be carried out on the penguins after they had been mating for years without producing any chicks. It was only then they realised that six of the birds were living in homosexual partnerships.

I'm shocked at this alarming lack of tolerance for diversity from a sophisticated European nation.

And I want to know what I have to do to have someone send me four Swedish females.