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Moronic Movie Motorcycles

I'm home in NY for the holidays, and on the flight in, I caught a movie that gave me an idea for what I hope will be an occasional feature here on RidingSun: pointing out occurences of Moronic Movie Motorcycles (MMM's). (I toyed with the name SPOMIF, which stands for Stupid Portrayal Of Motorcycles In Film, but ultimately decided that it sounded pretty lame.)

An MMM is any motorcycle in a movie (or TV show or commercial) used in a way that is physically impossible, utterly ridiculous, or just plain dumb.

Let's kick off the feature with the movie I just saw: I, Robot. It's your typical Will-Smith-as-cool-guy-saving-the-world action flick. It actually wasn't bad for that sort of thing, although after watching Honda's Asimo robot totter around, I question whether robots 30 years in the future will really be able to leap like gymnasts and climb walls like Spider-Man. Maybe I'm showing my age, but the CGI effects made the robots seem too lightweight and quick to be real. For my money, if you want a really good "cop vs. killer robots" movie, the choice is clear.

Anyway, I, Robot features a classic MMM, as demonstrated in at least two key scenes:

(1) After his Audi is wrecked in a robot attack, Will switches to his trusty 2004 MV Agusta F4-SPR, of which only 300 were produced worldwide. Will rides the thing at high speeds, at night, with a passenger, through fast-moving traffic, at one point even making a hands-free mobile phone call -- yet neither he nor his passenger ever wears a helmet. Hey, Will -- it's cool if you have a death wish, but at least offer a helmet to the sexy woman riding with you. It's the gentlemanly thing to do.

(2) Will sees a renegade robot attacking a teenaged kid. He jumps the Agusta into the air by riding it up the hood of a parked car, leaps off of it in mid-flight, does a somersault, and shoots the robot before reaching the ground. Riiiiight...

Well, that's all for now. Readers are encouraged to submit their favorite MMM's from other movies in the comments section.

FOLLOW-UP:
The incomparable James Lileks didn't like the jumping motorcycle bit either. He's a lot funnier in criticizing it, though.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

Eh, it's hollywood. You expect the land of infinity-clips and character-shields to portray the futuristic motorcycle-shenannigans of one Will Smith with even a smattering of accuracy?

Time to pass the bong and take a breath. Besides, some of us want some too.

So what other nasty MMM's have you seen? I see a few on the shelves of my local Blockbuster, but have yet to jump into the saddle (so to speak) on them. Probably has something to do with ruining the happy memories of the day when I actually had a motorcycle.

Regards,
-Matthew

GaijinBiker said...

Thanks for the comment, Matt. I hear "Biker Boyz" and "Torque" are pretty nasty, but I haven't checked them out yet.

--GB

Anonymous said...

This is a subject that has chapped my rear worse than a case of twelve-hour-trail-ride-monkey-butt... Why is it that the soundtrack that invariably gets added to a movie when a bike's engine is running doesn't match the bike? You'll see somebody riding a CR250 and hear a Sportster... How about that commercial where the guy on a Honda CB750 chopper pulls up next to the eavesdropper at the streetside restaurant table and you hear a straight-pipe Harley? Whassup wid dat?

Anonymous said...

Does this site have any short movies aabbout motorcycles? 

Posted by Anonymous

Anonymous said...

I don't want a Will Smith motorcycle movie, I just want a motorcycle movie

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