One thing foreigners in Japan hear over and over again upon sitting down to a meal with a new acquaintance is the supposed compliment, "Oh, my! You use chopsticks so well!"
Japanese people who say this may have the best of intentions, but nevertheless, it comes off as demeaning. I mean, using chopsticks does not exactly require a lot of skill or talent. Little kids can do it. So praising me for being able to pick up food and put it in my mouth reminds me of Chris Rock's line about white people impressed that Colin Powell "speaks so well":
"Speaks so well" isn't a compliment. "Speaks so well" is some s**t you say about retarded people that can talk.So, over time, I've developed a standard response I use whenever someone comments favorably about my ability to use chopsticks:
Why, thank you for noticing my chopstick technique! It didn't come easy, let me tell you. I studied under a chopstick sensei every day for five years. My father took a second job to pay for the lessons. I even withdrew from school at one point to devote myself full-time to chopstick mastery. Long into the night, I would practice picking up dried peas until my fingers ached...I carry on in that vein until the other person realizes I'm being sarcastic. It usually takes longer than you'd think.
13 comments:
Great post. I am the sushi King so chopsticks work well with me. Now I need to get to Japan to test my skills.
I hear sushi is really expensive compared to America. Is that true?
Posted by gindy
...I hear you, dude. My big thing now that I have put 2 1/2 years into speaking Japanese, is if I speak what I am sure to be correct Nihongo to a waiter or in a bakery, and the response is baby English, I just respond "aba baba haba waba," and after they realize they don't know what the F I am saying they switch back to Japanese and then everybody has a nice day. Actually, nothing wrong with not speaking Japanese, it is a choice some make, but if you have established fluency, why the terrible English response? Also, since you got me going, ever notice how Gaijin can't just be confused about a menu or directions like I might be in Cleveland or London. Meaning, whenever I pause for a second looking at a menu or ask directions it is automaticallya ssumed that my problem is Japanese. Once in a bank an ATM was broken and not dispensing cash, the bank person came out and started talking to me in monkey english. I just stared at him and told him in Japanese that his machine was broken. Also, I once asked a cab driver to take me somewhere by address (I know mistake) and he got on his radio and said in Japanese "I have a foreigner in the cab who is lost, can you tell me how to get..." Anyway, basically wonderful place to live, but you got me going on my one peeve...
Posted by obk
Damn! I posted something but lost it. I'll be back later. Entrance Ceremony beckons the boredom gene.
Posted by FishOnly
In grad school I had the pleasure of eating dinner with two Japanese and one Hong Kongese student. All three were beautiful, and the restaurant used only chopsticks (which I had not known beforehand). There followed the most petrifying hour of my life. I was immune to any help. I figured chopsticks are actually impossible, like perpetual machine.
And now you say they are easy. Thanks for making me remember that and feel worse. Thanks. Thanks a lot. ;)
Posted by Dan
What I meant to relay is that everytime I use chopsticks, somebody says, 'Hashi jouzu desu ne', which, roughly translated means, 'You've got big tits'. My usual retort is 'And you look like Bruce Lee'.
Ja ne.
Posted by FishOnly
So, basically, you're representing American jerks the world over... nicely done.
Posted by Brian
Brian, where's the love, man? I am fighting pernicious ethnic stereotypes.
Posted by GaijinBiker
How would a Japanese person react if an American said "Oh my, you use a fork so well"?
Posted by Dave Justus
I'm sorry... you thought my post was sarcastic.
I'm serious. We Americans are jerks because the rest of the world is arrogant and thinks they're superior. I'm actually pleased that you react in this way—maybe it'll teach a few people to think a little bit higher of Americans.
And Dave- Better yet what if someone said "Oh my, you've discovered forks finally? Good for you!"
Posted by Brian
Dave, that's actually a common response used by other gaijin. I'm trying to be a little more creative.
Posted by GaijinBiker
Kudoes for creativity!
Posted by Dave Justus
'Hashi jouzu desu ne': you are good with bridges? :)
Posted by Greg
How would a Japanese person react if an American said "Oh my, you use a fork so well"?
"Well fork you, too!"
Patrick, Green Belt in Advanced Chopstick Use
Posted by Patrick
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